As a blogger with a social media presence, I put myself out there every day KNOWING that there are those who will not resonate with my story or my message. Even though I have always tried to share the good, the bad and the ugly, a recent DM I received really shook me up. It made me realize the importance of stressing this one point. Social media is a highlights reel.
Some Background
I received a DM this past Sunday that broke my heart on multiple levels. My initial reaction was to respond with anger but the more I think about it, the more I realize that this person may not be the only one who feels this way. Instead, I'm going to share an open letter for this person and for all those who see my life, or the lives of other bloggers and influencers and only spy perfection. I hope you'll read it, reflect on it and share it with others who could benefit from it.
My Dear Friend,
I know you've scrolled through my feed and seen the beautiful sun-drenched photos, the laughter and the love, the smiles, and the fun. I know you may be sitting there looking at my life and comparing it to yours- perhaps feeling a twinge of envy because mine seems so perfect and yours may not measure up.
I won't deny that I have been incredibly blessed by the Almighty. I have a husband who is my love and my rock. I have two sons who are my world. I have a beautiful home, food in the fridge, financial security and live in safety and comfort. “Then which of the favors of my Lord would [I] deny? [Quran 55:40]. If I start counting my blessings, my head would be eternally bowed in gratitude.
However, I want you to know something. My social media is a highlights reel. When I share a photo on my feed, it is a curated snapshot of a tiny moment in time. It does not reflect my struggles.
Did you know that my husband travels 4 days a week, almost every week? In 2017, he traveled 48 weeks out of 52. That left me alone with my two boys in a city where I have no family and few friends. Both our parents and families live in Toronto, Canada- an 8-hour drive away from us. Since 2010, we have moved 7 times, across 2 continents, 3 countries, and 4 cities. I once had to drive myself to the ER because there was no one to take me and I couldn't leave the babies alone. I wish I could tell you how scary and lonely it can be to have no roots, no family or friends, and your partner and rock away half the week.
Social media is a highlights reel.
Did you know that both my boys were hospitalized in the PICU as newborns? I spent a month living in a hospital room with each of them, watching as their tiny bodies were poked and prodded, as PICC lines were inserted, as they were bent in half for blood draws and spinal taps. There is a level of trauma that stays with you after an experience like that which makes you so fearful and paranoid. Even now, both the boys suffer from chronic ear infections and I spend an inordinate amount of time at our pediatricians and ENT's office. I am just grateful that it is something small and treatable. My sons are my life but that life is not perfect.
Social media is a highlights reel.
Did you know that my first office was a tiny closet that I could barely fit in? We moved around a lot and lived in apartments and condos for convenience. There was no space for a fancy office. There was barely enough space for a crib! But I had a dream to become an entrepreneur and to create a workspace for myself. I converted a tiny closet into an office. It had no windows, no air circulation and I couldn't even close the door if I was working in it. My office today is amazing and my favorite room in a house that I love. But I didn't always have a perfect house or a perfect office.
Social media is a highlights reel.
Did you know for the past 6 years, I have struggled with extremely low self-confidence on account of my weight and appearance? Read my story here. I have tried so many fad diets, healthy and unhealthy ways to lose weight, injuries from working out too hard, and felt increasingly negative about myself and my body. I wish I could explain how being overweight isn't just a lifestyle choice but an amalgamation of so many factors. I wish I could explain the level of self-loathing and shame a person can experience despite having all the clothes and beauty products in the world. Self-love is a recent journey for me and rediscovering that lost confidence has been an incredible gift. Even while on this journey, I still have days where I obsess over my weight and appearance, where looking in the mirror is an exercise in fear and shame.
Social media is a highlights reel.
We may not have the same struggles. You may not see or understand my struggles. But I want you to know that everyone struggles. Even when the nature of our struggles differs, not one of us has a perfect life, no matter how it may seem on social media. What matter most are the choices we make when dealing with our struggles.
You think I “have it made.” The reality is that no one has it made. Even the most seemingly perfect life isn't made. Made is happy with your life, grateful for the blessings you do have, regardless of the circumstances.
Most importantly, please don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle. Comparison truly is the thief of joy. You may not be where you'd like to be in terms of your marriage, family, business or dreams. I understand it can be difficult to see someone who is where you want to be. Let that inspire and motivate you to keep going, keep working, keep trying and moving forward.
And if you can't do that, then hit that Unfollow button and move on. Life is too short to spend dwelling on what you don't have, especially if it's based on someone else's highlights reel.
Happily,
Wow Hafsa, this post is everything. Social media is truly a highlights reel, and it’s true we don’t show our struggles. I’ve always admired how strong you are even though your husband works out of town. My husband works 12 hour nights and we don’t spend much time together but in an emergency I can access his help, so my heart always goes out to you. I recently showed how my sewing area is on the other half of my living room and I got so many DMs about how people have admired my home and they now realize I don’t have anything glamorous but I do make the most of it, haha. Beautiful post, loved this open letter <3
Social media has really changed the way we see the world and the people around us. The snapshots of beautifully curated moments have left us to fill in the blanks between those perfect moments in other people’s lives and start imagining a reality that doesn’t exist. Thank you for always being so kind Eva. It means the world to me
So well written! Will be acknowledging it in a positive way on Slay Collective inshallah. So sorry again for what this person wrote to you – I would have felt compelled to respond too.
Thank you for always being so supportive. You’re awesome!
Love this post so much! ❤️
Thank you!
Iam a mom of 2 beautiful kids, Mashallah . Iam divorced I live alone in a state where I have no family, and work crazy hours.
Yet I look forward to all your posts bcs you’re so inspiring Mashallah. When I see your good morning post, it’s like wow, even though it’s a crummy Monday, it’s nice to see a beautiful page with flowers and I smile.
We all have our struggles, May Allah make it easy for us all. However looking at your struggles and complaining isn’t gonna make them go away.
Please keep your positivity going. You’re a smart lady, and putting social media to good use.
I wish you and your family and everyone the very best may we all be healthy and happy always Ameen.
Saira. I’ve received so many supportive notes today and they’ve all been wonderful. But yours just meant so much. I’ve been struggling with the thought that I may be making people unhappy with their own lives and your message just reinforces that I can’t make a person do anything- the choice of how they take my message is up to them. Thank you!
This is such a beautiful post! Thank you for saying it out loud.
Comparison is a thief of joy.
We live thousands of miles away from family. And it’s so hard whenever my husband travels. It’s physically, emotionally and mentally draining.
Prayers and power for you!!
Thank you Sara and prayers for ease for all of us who are struggling in whatever capacity.
Hafsa, you are so brave and a true inspiration in putting this post together. I am amazed and in awe of your empathy towards a stranger, who said words that would proBbly send someone else in a downward spiral. Hugs to you!
Thank you Areeba. This was a tough one to write but it was also cathartic. I hope that someone who is struggling with social media envy stumbles upon this and it helps them realize that there’s an untold tale of challenge behind the picture perfect feeds.
This is so, so true! While it’s great that we can personally document the highlights of our lives, it’s so easy to fall victim to comparison. It’s so easy to forget that there are parts of our daily lives that we just don’t share online. I definitely agree with the unfollow route. Life really is too short to compare yourself to others.
Thank you! Comparison truly is the thief of joy
Beautifully written. The person who criticized you clearly wasn’t paying attention. Everyone struggles. Why would we show the pain in pictures? That’s crazy! Nobody would want to see that anyway. Keep smiling.
Thank you Wendy. I think it’s important to keep that balance between real life and things that would motivate others.
What a beautiful post. Although i feel you don’t need to justify to anyone, however, you have done it splendidly. More power to you and lots of prayers for your family.
Thank you so much!
I looked at this post more as a behind the scenes than a justification. Sometimes it helps to know what happens in the background